Questions about the state of me

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking on the past week or so and I've realized that I'm quite the loser. I mean, yeah I have a job right now so its not like I'm not sitting around all day but really, retail isn't something I want to go with the rest of my life.

Nonetheless, I do love my job. How many people can say they really enjoy their coworker and enjoy going to work most days, but I really do want to find a job with more stability. I've met so many great people that I do consider friends and I get to work in PA.

Why am I venting u say? Its because I feel like after all the hard work I put in to graduate from school, I should be much more successful than I already am. Almost like, after all the shit I've been through, why can't I catch a break of some sort. But still, I know that I have to work hard and persevere, but there is only so much rejection that I can take before it finally gets to me. I can't tell you how many interviews I've been on only to be told, we'll be in touch and never heard from again. So I guess you can say I'm at the fork in the road of my life where I can honastly say that I have no clue what direction or what I want to do with my life, and that really scares the hell out of me.

In need of some serious R&R

In light of all the natural disaster/ natures fury I've been thinking. Why is it that we take for granted everything that Earth has given us but yet, constantly demand and take from her everything we want. I guess that can be true when it comes to relationships.

I'm trying as hard as possoble to be a better person and truly cherish the life long friends and family that I have made. Especially since I have been working crazy hours, I know I need to slow down and really make time for myself. And at the same time, I need to make a better effort in keeping contact everyone I consider near and dear to my heart.

So with that, here's my promise. Whether its email,BBM, telephone, snail mail, skype or I'm'ing I making a better effort. I love you guys more than anything, more than you guys know!

<3

New Moon

So the days are slowly creeping by until the second movie in the Twilight sage comes out, something like 2 weeks, but who is really keeping track....But still, none the less, it's almost here. If you don't know me, you wouldn't know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Vanity Fair magazine. Last year when the movie first came out they did a whole spread with the cast of Twilight, so I figured i should bring it out an what not in anticipation of Robert Pattinson's debut as a cover boy on the Dec. issue of Vanity Fair. So here we goooooooo...


From L to Right: Robert Pattinson (Edward), Elizabeth Reaser (Esme), Kellan Lutz (Emmett), Peter Facinelli (Dr. Cullen), Nikki Reed (Rosalie), Kristen Stewart (Bella), Ashley Greene (Alice), Jackson Rathbone (Jasper), Cam Gigandet (James), Edi Gathegi (Laurent), Taylor Lautner (Jacob), and Rachelle Lefevre (Victoria).

*picture taken from vanityfair.com at this link, http://www.vanityfair.com/images/culture/2008/12/cusl03_twilight0812.jpg

My very own invisability cloke

Sometimes I ask myself, I am invisible to the rest of the world? It seems like while I seemingly slip into the slippery slope of depression, the rest of the world passes me by with a vengeance.

On another note, I ran in the Nike Livestrong 5K this morning. I don't have my official time yet because my Nike+ sportsband decided it wanted to break and Nike hasn't released the new one yet. But as soon as they release the times and pictures, I'll update this post. I figured I ran somewhere in the range of 35 mins or so.

Anyways, toodles.

Live, Laugh, and Love.

Re-shaping my standards

This blog entry was inspired by the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Which also happens to be the title of an episode from the widely popular TV series, Sex and the City. So thanks to his book and TV series, I have decided to adopt a couple rules for how I deal with my future relationships

1. I will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first
2. I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone
3. I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me
4. I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable
5. I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that manes me feel uncomfortable
6. I will not be with a man who's afraid to talk about our future
7. I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me
8. I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person

possibilities

So it has been roughly 1 year since I have graduated from that "glorious" institution we call San Jose State University and what do I have to show for it? Absolutely nothing, no job, no social life and certainly no sense to direction. I often find myself wondering how I got myself into this situation. I mean, I did everything right, or so I thought. I went to school year round, loaded up on units and course work even when I thought it wasn't healthy to carry 20 units, and even managed to coach and work part-time on campus. But that turned out to be all for not, seeing how I still live at home with the parentals and am currently jobless.

I can’t tell you how many hours a day I spend combing through Craig's List, Yahoo Hot Job, Monster and Career Builder. But yet, I have gone on some interviews where I am fed the same bull, "oh we like what we see, we will be in contact with you in the next week or so if we feel you would be a valuable asset to our company" or the "Unfortunately we are unable to hire you although you possess a skill set that we are currently looking for" When really all I hear is "BLAH BLAH BLAH" or "We won't hire you for this part-time position because you have a degree and you will try to jump ship as soon as a better job in your field of study becomes available."

Hopefully sometime in the next couple of weeks someone will want me and offer a J-O-B but until then, I stay in my little cocoon of sadness and self pity until I can come up for air and turn into that beautiful butterfly that I know I am.

good ol' Twilight

Okay, I so remember back in the day when the Twilight series had everyone in a frenzy? Originally, I wasn't one to hop on board of the Twilight madness train, but I recently got to watch the entire movies, and what can I say, I am hooked. Maybe it is because the two main characters, Bella and Edward are freakin' cute together, or maybe because I am a sucker for a good love fairytale/story because my lack of love life makes anything appealing.

Of course, call me the nerd I am, I went to my local library and wanted to check out the entire book series starting with Twilight, but of course due to the popularity, there are requests for every single books. Who knows when I'll get the books but hopefully before the next chapter, "New Moon" comes out in November. I saw the preview and fell in love with the series yet again

I can see why this movie has mass market appeal, it is a good story and from what I hear about the books, is that the movie pretty much follows it to a point. So back to the movie, other than it being a great love story about forbidden love, almost like Romeo and Juliet, it appeals to the older generation. I love love love it. Maybe I enjoy movies like this because they are not like anything we have seen before. Sure I have seen other vampire movies, but this pictures vampires that look and act like us teenagers and young adults.

So blah blah blah blah enough with my ramblings and gawking at all these young bucks but I really couldn’t resist. This movies lets me be kid again and remember all of the good times and memories about being in high school and what not. Ill have more to report when I read the book series. Till then, " When you can live forever what do you live for?" I know it is a tagline from the movie, but really, what would I live for if I could live forever. But more on that later!

-D

A little wisdom from Eleanor Roosevelt

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
Eleanor Roosevelt

If you are my friend on Facebook, you should recognize this quote because it is in my info section. This is such a powerful quote because if you do take the chance to stop and look back on everything that you are have experienced in your lifetime, in my case, all of 22 years, you only can grow stronger and wiser from the mistakes that you have made in the past. Look at me, 22, almost 23 yr old college graduate that is currently living at home and unemployed. If I could, I would dwell on everything that has happened to me in the past year, and everything that hasn't, but I have to keep telling myself to keep my head up. Because i know that in a couple of years, I will look back a this time in my life and just laugh because it only helped increase my dedication that my goals and passions. But for now, I stick to blogging and keeping myself occupied with other various things I find interesting. Mainly reading, taking pictures, editing those pictures, hanging with family and taking time to appreciate the life that I have been blessed with. Mainly a loving family, education that has brought me wisdom and the confidence to go out in the world and take it on, and the drive to not let something so mundane and no job stop me from continually bettering myself.

So with that, I am going to move along with the rest of me day and head to the gym for my strength&endurance and step classes that I take on Weds. So for now.... LOVE, PEACE, and HAPPINESS :)

-D

saving myself

I know I have been super MIA for a minute, but trust me when I say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Anyways, I was listening to my I-tunes today while applying for jobs online and what not, and the song "Down here in Hell" by Van Hunt came on. if you haven;t used the genius feture and make playlists based on selected songs, you should try it. I'm guessing that not many people know about Van Hunt, but this dude has a silky smooth voice that sings to your soul. Almost like Anthony Hamilton or the way Babyface does. Anyways, if you dont know about him, look up some of his music on youtube and he also has a song in Something New (which is where I discovered him, and my lazy butt put on English subtitles so I could get the song, Seconds of Pleasure, and artist.)

"I really love it when/love it when we make mistakes/because once again/it gives me a reason to complain/I love the battle lines/battle lines we draw and cross in the mud/oh, I love it when we fight/standing on the verge of breaking up or makin love

What would I do if we were perfect/Where would I go for disappointment/Love without pain0 would leave me wondering why I stay/

I think of saving myself/but with nothing to complain about in heaven/what would I do/
I think of saving myself/but I really wanna work it out down here in hell with you"

here is the video for you enjoyment

anyways, back to the song, i dont know what it is, but it just makes me stop and think about what is really important in my life right now. mainly my friends and family, and how they have helped me become the person that i am today. some more than others, but nonetheless, they have in some way changed me in ways that i cant imagine. i think about all of the sacrafices and struggles that we have been through, but at hte same time, all fo hte good times and triumphs that i have shared with these people. evern though we may fight and get on each others nerves, i would rather be misrable with them than me alone and happy in this troublsome world that we like to call life.

also, since may of you know, i have been jobless, it has been my friend and family that have told me to keep my head up and stay confident even when this economy is so shitty, that i can;t even get a entry level part-time job, because according to many, " you have too much experience" or "you have a degree, waht makes us think you won't leave when something in your major comes up?". Uggggghhhh, it's frustrating, but all the small things, whether it's a letter from my grandma, or my brother telling me to keep my head up, to she who shall not be named forcing me to go out and live a little when she comes home, let me know that i'm not alone and some still lvoe me even with all my faults. and for that, i can only say thank you from the bottem of my heart. you mean more to me than words can express.

-d

Damn you Flickr

I know that i have been super M.I.A for a cool minute but I blame it on Flickr, apparently they decided to change the amount of picture that you can upload monthly, which I surpasses in like one day. SO now, I can finally upload some new pictures from BC's various track meets. More to come later.